The EU is an evil totalitarian machine primed to turn our youth into EU stormtroopers and our elderly into cat food and you just can't see it! Dystopic Dez

Brexiters: A field guide for the connoisseur (Pt2)

What a lot of Brexiters there (still) are! Here’s part two of our field guide to the many Twitter types, starting with:

  • Mr Echo: Most likely to say: “I don’t agree with everything Tommy/Nigel/Katie says, but…” Agrees with everything Tommy/Nigel/Katie says.
  • Dystopic Dez: The EU is an evil totalitarian machine primed to turn our youth into EU stormtroopers and our elderly into cat food and you just can’t see it – but Dez can! You’re laughing now – but you won’t be when we’re all speaking German, like they do in Greece.
  • Edward Ironwill: Nothing changes Edward’s mind. He’s his own man and no one tells him what to think. He laughs in the face of Russian bots, sneers at microtargeting Facebook ads and never even looked at the Big Red Bus. Regularly retweets Paul Joseph Watson.
  • Howard Hilarity: Life’s a laugh riot for Howard! You Remainers are hilarious! Emoji emoji emoji! That in-depth thread full of facts you just posted? It’s hysterical! Emoji emoji emoji! The more logic you bring, the funnier you get! Emoji emoji emoji!
  • Over-sensitive Olive: Thought about voting Remain, but saw some Remainers make a mean joke about Leavers on Twitter. Olive can’t stand that kind of selfish unfairness, so she voted to wreck the entire country instead.
  • Mr Original: Listen, he’s had a great idea. You know how Remainers love the EU so much, right? Well … WHY DON’T THEY GO AND LIVE THERE? And you know how they lost, right? Well, why don’t they GET OVER IT! People’s vote? Losers’ vote, more like! Quality material. All fresh.
  • Class Warrior: Sticking it to the metropolitan elite, with their avocados, lattes and Waitrose bags for life. Brexit is a working class revolution, by the people, for the people, and the sneering elites better get out of the way. Partial to a Waitrose avocado on the sly.
  • Mrs Myopia: Ocular condition renders her unable to see or read anything which conflicts with her existing views. Easy way to identify sufferers: Show them a video of Daniel Hannan saying: ‘Nobody is talking about threatening our place in the single market.’
  • Bright & Breezy Brian: Brexit? No problem! We survived before the EU – we’ll be fine! It’ll cost you your job? Just get another one! No worries! Your loved ones can’t live here any more? Plenty more fish in the sea, mate!
  • The Sportsman: Life’s such a game for this rakish chap, he sees everything through a sporting lens! ‘What do you want? Best of three?’ ‘Should we rerun the World Cup as well?’ Life’s a contest. You’re either a winner or a loser – and we know which one he is.
  • The Cut-and-Paste King: Suddenly he’s everywhere, on every thread, saying exactly the same thing, in the same order, with the same spelling mistakes. Don’t expect him to stop and chat – if he can’t say it by hitting Ctrl+V, it’s not worth saying.
  • Salty the Seadog: It’s a fisherman’s life for Salty! Fishing’s in his blood, all the way back to that day Nigel Farage threw some rotten cod into the Thames. Did you know fishing accounts for 98% of all business conducted in the UK? Don’t bother checking – it’s true!
  • Dirk the Distracter: Don’t look there – look over here! You might want to talk about that – but what about this? Detailed discussion of trade tariffs? Interesting, but what about this picture of a riot in Paris? Doesn’t realise Jedi mind tricks don’t work on Twitter.
  • Sir Lancelot the Grey: He may not be as young as he was, but this white knight is ready to leap to the defence of any young filly – as long as she talks toxic bollocks on behalf of a shady think tank.
  • The Retaliator: You know that joke you made about Brexiters? Well, here it is – right back atcha, with a minor and unimaginative twist! Take that, libtards! Now YOU are the fools!
  • Meltdown Millie: She’s been betrayed! BETRAYED! Where’s the Brexit she asked for? WHERE IS IT? The Remainers, traitors and enemies of the state STOLE IT. She won that Brexit fair and square and wants it NOW NOW NOW! Likely to stamp her feet until she gets it.

(Any resemblance to bots and trolls living dead or malfunctioning is purely coincidental)

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