What a lot of Brexiters there are! It’s hard to keep up with all the different Twitter types, so I’ve produced this handy guide to the major varieties, starting with:
- Racist grandad: Loves his wife, kids and grandkids. Not so keen on them Muslims, though. Retired.
- Johnny No-Neck: Football, tattoos, free speech, union flags, shiny head. Types in only one font: Helvetica Geezer Bold. Has holiday home in Spain.
- Dorothy Disturbed: Cat photos and unpunctuated rants a speciality. Liable to burst into UPPER CASE at random. Holds onto wrong end of stick for dear life.
- Conscientious objector: Not racist. Just has doubts about aspects of the EU superstate, best addressed by leaving in a hurry with no real plan, thereby plunging entire country into chaos.
- Mr Stats: He’s the man with the facts and figures. They’re never about the subject at hand, and they all come from the same
two far-right think tanks, but they all prove that Brexit is ace!
- Psychic Susie: She knows what she voted for – and what every single one of the other 17 million voted for, too! By an amazing coincidence, they all wanted exactly the same as her!
- Prankster Pete: People’s Vote? Loser’s Vote, more like! Doesn’t really support Brexit, or anything else, really. Just likes to annoy people while he waits for his pizza to arrive. Surprisingly busy.
- Business Man: Think Brexit threatens your business? Think again! Just listen to Business Man, replace the customs union and single market with a dose of self-belief, drive and good old British pluck and you’ll be right as rain. Has a terrible website last updated in 2009.
- Martin Meme: No thread is too long, too fact-packed or too well-researched to withstand Martin’s surprisingly extensive collection of memes featuring crying babies and the phrase: ‘YOU LOST GET OVER IT’.
- The Reminderer: No mess, no fuss. Just tweets: ‘We already had a vote in 2016, remember?’, then melts back into the crowd. With an argument that strong, what else do you need?
- Flexible Phil: He voted Remain, but next time he’d vote Leave because of EU bullying/sneering Remoaners/James O’Brien. Joined Twitter in July 2019. Three followers.
- Mistreated Michael: All he wants it to save his country from the thousands of unjust EU laws forced on us by the tyrannical, unelected EU. What’s that? Yeah, he could name loads of them but he’s just really, really busy right now, and, anyway, you Remoaners never listen.
- Windswept Wayne: Stands atop a cliffside, dreaming of a free nation, unshackled from the EU – sovereign Britons in control of their destiny at last! Also loves Donald Trump and chlorinated chicken.
- Vladimir Brexanski: He loves the Manchester Uniteds footballings! So much fun he has with the pop music of native town Colchester and famous spires Salisbury! Very supportive of Arron Banks.
(Any resemblance to bots and trolls living dead or malfunctioning is purely coincidental)